Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
