If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just tell him i said nine months
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
