We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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