i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my phone needs a breathalizer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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