I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
