when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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