p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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