i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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