epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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