like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
