I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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