Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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