Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
