Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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