no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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