He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
