Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How naked do you want me to be?
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