Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm too high and old for this...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
