May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
