So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
