Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
