I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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