i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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