Sponge bath it is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
