Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
