We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
