i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
