Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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