Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
