I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
