please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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