Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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