her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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