So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
