I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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