you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize