47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
