He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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