My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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