We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
