My balls are so social today.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
