Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
