In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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