So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
