at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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