matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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