"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize