So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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