This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
