I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
