No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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