and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I could fuck to npr.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
