I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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