He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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