gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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