I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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