Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
