some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
