Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
