marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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