I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
