I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
