I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
