I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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