Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
