her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
