This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
