If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize