Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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