I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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