Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
